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Lesson Posted on 01/03/2017 Hobby/Summer Camp

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

Gurpreet

Skills: Portraiture, Landscape, Life sketches, composition (traditional/abstract) mural painting etc ...

Do you have any regrets? Most people do. But it appears our regrets gain a lot of weight as we approach the end of our lives. For many years, – an Australian nurse and counselor – worked in palliative care; taking care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live. Her... read more

Do you have any regrets?

Most people do.

But it appears our regrets gain a lot of weight as we approach the end of our lives.

For many years, – an Australian nurse and counselor – worked in palliative care; taking care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.

Her patients were typically old people with very serious illnesses, waiting to die.

And a lot of her work involved providing counseling and relief from the physical and mental stresses that come naturally when a human being comes face to face with their mortality.

Death is not a comfortable subject for most people. We prefer to not think or talk about it.

But the sad truth is, all of us will die someday.

Knowing you are going to die in a few weeks is a very bitter pill to swallow. And Bronnie noticed as her patients experienced a range of emotions that usually started with denial, and then fear, anger, remorse, more denial, and eventually, acceptance.

As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently if life gave them a second chance.

Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out. These were the most common regrets her patients wished they hadn’t made as they coursed through life.

But the regrets of the dying can be sound and invaluable advice for the living.

And that’s why it’s a really good thing you’re reading this article.

One of the key revelations from Bronnie’s study is that we often take our lives for granted because we are healthy.

Health affords us boundless freedom very few realise, until we no longer have it.

But while her dying patients were helpless in the face of their regrets, you and I still have time to do something about our regrets, before it’s too late.

Let’s now look at each of the 5 most common regrets Bronnie observed:

1)    I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

According to Bronnie, this was by far the most common regret of all.

When people realise their life is coming to an end, it becomes easier to look back and see all those dreams they had but didn’t have the courage to pursue.

In many cases, their failure to pursue those dreams were often due to fitting into the expectations of others – usually family, friends and society.

One of her dying patients, Grace, made Bronnie promise that she would pursue all her dreams and live her life to its fullest potential without ever considering what others would say.

According to Bronnie, Grace was in a long but unhappy marriage. And after her husband was put in a nursing home, she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. And Grace’s biggest regret was that she never was able to pursue all the dreams she put on hold.

I think the biggest lesson from this regret is, if you know what really makes you happy, do it!

It appears that our unfulfilled dreams and aspirations have a way of silently stalking us, and eventually haunt our memories in our dying days.

And if you’re afraid of what people will say about your choices, remember that their voices will not matter to you in your dying days.

2)   I wish I didn’t work so hard

This one makes me feel guilty.

According to Bronnie, this regret came from every male patient she nursed. And a few female patients too.

As breadwinners, their lives were taken over by work, making a living, and pursuing a career. While this role was important, these patients regretted that they allowed work to take over their lives causing them to spend less time with their loved ones.

Their regrets were usually about missing out on the lives of their children and the companionship of their spouse.

When asked what they would do differently if given a second chance, the response was quite surprising.

Most of them believed that by simplifying our lifestyle and making better choices, we may not need all that money we’re chasing. That way, we can create more space in our lives for happiness and spend more time with the people who mean the most to us.

3)   I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

This one just made me so much bolder. :)

According to Bronnie, many of her dying patients believed they suppressed their true feelings and didn’t speak their mind when they should have, because they wanted to keep peace with others.

Most of them chose not to confront difficult situations and people, even when it offended them. By suppressing their anger, they built up a lot of bitterness and resentment which ultimately affected their health.

Worse still, harbouring bitterness can cripple you emotionally and stand in the way of fulfilling your true potential.

To avoid this type of regret later in life, it’s important to understand that honesty and confrontation are a necessary part of healthy relationships.

There is a common misconception that confrontation is bad for relationships and can only create division.

Not all the time.

In reality, when confrontation is kind, honest and constructive, it helps to deepen mutual respect and understanding and can take the relationship to a healthier level.

By speaking our minds, we express our true feelings and reduce the risks of building up unhealthy stores of bitterness that ultimately hurt us.

4)   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

This one is a regret many of us struggle with.

Bronnie found that her patients missed their old friends and regretted they didn’t give those friendships the investment of time and effort they deserved.

Everyone misses their friends when they’re dying.

It appears that when health and youth have faded, and death is looming, people realise that some friendships hold more value than all their wealth and achievements.

According to Bronnie, it all comes down to love and relationships in the end. Nothing else mattered to her patients in the last few weeks of their lives but love and relationships.

We live in a busy world these days. And the pressures and demands of work, city life and trying to raise a family can take its toll on some golden relationships.

Knowing this now, what would you do differently?

5)   I wish I had let myself be happier

This is a very humbling one, really.

Many of her patients didn’t realise until the end of their lives that happiness is a choice.

They wished they had known that happiness isn’t something to be chased and acquired through wealth, social acceptance and the trappings of life.

In their deathbeds, these patients realized they could have chosen to be happy, regardless of their circumstances in life – rich or poor.

To me, this regret is the most touching.

Throughout our active lives, we often focus too much on acquiring the things we would like to have – wealth, status, power and achievement. We often (wrongly) believe that these things hold the keys to our happiness.

When asked what they could have done differently, here’s the key message those dying folks shared: Learn to relax and appreciate the good things in your life. That’s the only way to find real happiness.

Happiness is a choice.

Is it possible to live a life without regrets?

This is the big question I’ve been asking myself.

As no human being is perfect, and I doubt there’s anything like a “perfect life”, I expect all of us would have some regret(s) in our dying days.

But I think the key is to have as few regrets as possible.

And the best way to die with very few regrets is to live life as if we would die today.

After all, almost nobody knows exactly when they’ll die.

By living our lives as if the end is nigh, we would realise that we really don’t have all the time in the world. As a result, we would procrastinate less, and pursue our truest desires, dreams and aspirations.

Also, to live a life of few regrets, we have to focus on and accommodate ONLY those things and people that make us happy. Because if we try to conform to the expectations of others and hide our true feelings, the regrets could haunt us later in life.

If you’re reading this article and you’re alive and healthy, you still have a choice.

Remember, you only live once!

Don't forget to share this article with people you care about. You may just save someone a ton of regrets.

I wish you an amazing life.

Best,

Gurpreet

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Lesson Posted on 28/02/2017 Hobby/Summer Camp/Math & Science

The Incredible Forces at Work : Science Workshop

Hadi H.

I have taught in Sukhsagor institute ( Mumbai) - I.T to IPCC and Mathematics to CPT I have an advanced...

As a teenager I remember watching a show on television which explained elementary science concepts through experiments conducted with products that we use in our daily life. I enjoyed the show so much that I often watched reruns of the episodes. Application of the scientific theories captivated my attention... read more

As a teenager I remember watching a show on television which explained elementary science concepts through experiments conducted with products that we use in our daily life. I enjoyed the show so much that I often watched reruns of the episodes. Application of the scientific theories captivated my attention in a way that the textbooks never could. 

Later after I completed my M.Sc and worked in a laboratory I again realised how I enjoyed doing what I had read mostly in theories. Doing simple things like streaking a plate to isolate bacterial colonies, identifying them running different tests was way more interesting than going through pages and pages of textbooks. And it gave me a lot of confidence, the doubts in my mind cleared. I was surprised that the material explained in our boring lectures were actually quite interesting.
We need to give that confidence to our children from the beginning. The experiments designed for this workshop will solve the mysteries of science for elementary level students. We will open their minds to science involved in their daily activities. All of us use glue in our house but do we know that a glue is a polymer and can be made easily at home. The working of yeast, baking soda and vinegar. The importance of surface tension, the use of magnets, the reactions involved in rotting of food, making simple circuits: thats what we are aiming to show in The Incredible Forces at work.

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Answered on 26/09/2016 Hobby/Summer Camp Hobby/Summer Camp/Music & Dance

Mamta Mund

Maths Tutor, Certified Vedic Maths Teacher

In which Subject ?
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Asked on 28/05/2016 Hobby/Summer Camp/Robotics & Technology

I am studying ELECTRONICS AND COMMUNICATION ENGINEERING and i have just completed my 1st year. Which... read more
I am studying ELECTRONICS AND COMMUNICATION ENGINEERING and i have just completed my 1st year. Which course should i GO for in this summer holidays of 2 months? If i have good command in C. read less

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Answered on 16/04/2016 Hobby/Summer Camp Hobby/Summer Camp/Arts & Crafts

What is the minimum age of child to start marshal art training?

Vrindavan

We do not have martial arts training. For our activities - painting, drawing, kite flying, fireless cooking, gardening, etc we take from 3yr onwards to 7years.
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Answered on 09/08/2015 Hobby/Summer Camp

Anjali Conversations.

join drama classes
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Answered on 30/03/2015 Hobby/Summer Camp

S.narmadha S.

Mathematician

Hi I am Narmadha a vedic maths trainee, if u wish I will help your child in working out easier and quicker maths.
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Answered on 24/03/2016 Hobby/Summer Camp

Tansen Sangeet Mahavidyalaya

If you are in or in the vicinity of Kalkaji enquire at Tansen Sangeet Mahavidyalaya, Kalkaji who are offering 2, 4 or 6 weeks Summer Camp, 2016, from 16 May-1 July, 2016 offering 3 out of 5 (Western Dance, Art and Crafts, Keyboard, Guitar, Mind Power Games) subjects and Workshops on other Music and Dance... read more
If you are in or in the vicinity of Kalkaji enquire at Tansen Sangeet Mahavidyalaya, Kalkaji who are offering 2, 4 or 6 weeks Summer Camp, 2016, from 16 May-1 July, 2016 offering 3 out of 5 (Western Dance, Art and Crafts, Keyboard, Guitar, Mind Power Games) subjects and Workshops on other Music and Dance subjects and Magic Show, etc. read less
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Answered on 16/03/2015 Hobby/Summer Camp

Shobha Mohata

Trainer

Dear Meenakshi , we are conducting summer camps for kids in Indiranagar Bangalore.
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