Personality Development Training

Why selection of words is important in life?

Words have the power to change our lives, what you speak, how you interact, what you tell to people can create a different picture of yours than what you are.

When we were young, we were fascinated with movie dialogues‘ suar ke bachchon’ and often use in our conversations. We knew that words wouldn’t hurt anyone, but at a later phase of life we realised that words are the most dangerous weapon that we have and it can hurt people inside out with no wounds visible.”You are fired, I don’t love you anymore, and you have cancer,”

Words, my friends, can influence us, inspire us, words can change our beliefs. Words have a powerful influence on us for good and at times, for bad.

Let me share the story of a freedom fighter.

After his death, when he stood in front of God, to tell his lifelong Karmas so that accordingly he could be sent to hell or heaven.

God: How you died?

Freedom Fighter: I have my own set of thoughts and believe, I opposed some very renowned and influential people, I killed a man, I was indulged in a robbery, and I didn't believe in the law of the land.

God: Since you did nothing well, and you were involved in the killing of one of my Child, you must burn in the fire Hell. But since you too are my Child, I will give you one more chance to explain your life and what lead you to all these things?

Freedom Fighter:
As a kid, I followed people, who gave me this beautiful lesson of life, “Non-Violence”. We should, and we will win the hearts of people with our love and peaceful methods.

As a kid, I saw a lot of my people got killed, without a reason and question that bothered me then was what wrong do they did if they opposed something that is inhuman.

I started hating the law of the land and opposed the thoughts of people who believed that “Violence” can be won through “Non-Violence”.

Thus I began my journey as the advocate of violence against the law of the land.

My parents thought of getting me married, but I choose death as my “Bride”.

During my college days, I joined radical groups, whom I thought have the same thoughts and believes as I have.

I use to write against government policies and inhuman behaviour towards the people. Considering my influence on the youth through my words Government arrested me in a fake case and kept me imprisoned for six months until I was released on bail.

One day when we were protesting against the government on the arrival of an unwanted person, the government ordered for brutal violence against our group, which led to the Death of a person whom we loved and respected the most.

Reason being I assassinate the one responsible for the death of our beloved leader.

I was jailed for this reason. When I was imprisoned, I saw my people were treated differently than other people. So I declared a hunger strike which I finally ended after 116 days when the government accepted our demand of treating prisoners equally.

I was sentenced to death because of the killing. Thus I am here in front of you.

There was a silence for a moment and then,

God: My Child you have already been through the fire of Hell.
Please go to Heaven.

Bhagat Singh was the person I am talking about.

My friends, words spoken can change your destiny.

Stay still wherever you are and give a minute form your busy life, think about the selection of words you made till date, you will realise that whatever situation you are in right now is just because the words that you chose to speak that day. That day could be your selection of carrier, that job interview, that business venture, a fight with someone you loved or anything it could be.

Written By
Maneesh Rai

This is not just the starter of the conversation, but the main course too. The flavor of the interview depends on the ingredients you have mixed in this dish. You speak about a unique hobby, and it adds a certain flavor; you speak about a certain characteristic, and the flavor changes.

In a comparison between all kinds of HR questions that are prepared by the candidate, this is the most important one.

I remember how tensed I used to get hearing the same while preparing my SOP. Bringing a blend of good writing, clarity, crispness, differentiation along with playing all safe, the SOP had become a tumultuous task. The fear to sit and start the big task (as in my head), prevented me taking the first step itself. Most of the times, I was writing and removing the words the entire time.

However If given a thought it actually is a very interesting thing to do. A chance given to speak the most important things about own life and thus shape the direction of the interview any way you want.

Most of the candidates try writing a safe SOP. By safe I mean , writing in a traditional flow as: Name > Academics (University, Stream and percentage) > Professional Work(Years of experience, Firm name and job profile ) > Hobbies. Repeating a lot of stuff already mentioned in the CV, they try to limit the number and variety of questions raised to them. However, if you sit and think from the interviewer’s perspective, who takes hundreds of interviews in a day, the generic and boring SOP may make you a part of the big crowd they had assessed.

You want to make a mark. You want to direct the interview the way you want. You want the interviewer to enter your arena and prevent yourself from entering his.

Hence put some good stuff, something which is unique to you, specific to your personality.

How can you do this? Here are some pointers on what to include in the SOP:

1. Mention the most special characteristic of your personality. This could be anything: love for travelling or arts, being a dancer/singer, social work you have been doing, being a fantastic cook, or anything else under the sun.
2. Trace backwards, begin with work ex followed by UG and then schooling. Write about responsibilities and learnings you had during this time. Unless there is something substantial, skip very generic things about your schooling.
3. Talk about your personal life a bit (keep it precise): family background; learnings from the family.
4. Hobbies (Very important): Speak at length, mention achievements if any,
5. Strengths and weaknesses.
6. Why MBA?

You know the subject. You know the people who will be attending your presentation. You know the setting. You know the rules.

Yet, you freeze when it is show time.

Sounds familiar? Read on for some suggestions to overcome similar situations.

First, let’s get basic pointers out of our way:

1. Content is the King and you have to conquer this king. It means that you have to know your subject. Like really really know it! More than your audience do. Actually, much more than they do.

Why? Because then that gives you an edge over others in the room. It also gives you inner confidence to stand up and be in command. Knowledge is the power. And now you have it. And your audience doesn’t have it. That makes them sit down and listen to you. And that is your goal!

2. Keep it simple. Just focus on the core message. Do not try to cover the whole lot of things in one go or one slide.

3. Smile and keep the eye contact most of the time.

4. Do not read the slides. Remember, your audience can read too. Use slides as the backdrop and focus more on having dialogues with your audience.

5. Use more of numbers, facts, pictures, videos and less of text in your presentations.

Now, here are some suggestions to make it even better and effective:

i. Think like your audience: Why should they listen to you? What is in it for them? Maybe there is something for you but what is for them? Your message should be built around their needs, ease, and understanding. Focus on their reactions and energy in the room during the presentation. Adjust your delivery style accordingly. If you notice audience reaching out for their phones, ask questions or engage them in group discussion. Keep them engaged and interested.

ii. Start and End: We humans are quick to judge. You have few minutes to capture or lose your audience’s attention. If your start is powerful (or funny!) and you take off on a high note, it will give you boost you need for continued momentum.

You want your audience to leave the room with the positive and inspiring message. Hence, concluding your content in a meaningful way is always a good idea.

iii. Body language and voice modulation: If you are not interested and do not show your enthusiasm for your content, no one else will do that either. Hence, it is very important that you are extremely engaged and excited about presenting. You must display this engagement through your positive body language. Also, speak slowly and clearly. Stress on important points and phrases. Stop there to ask questions. The tone, pitch, and your voice is the indicator of your confidence.

Voice modulations don’t always come easy. It needs practice. You can also watch and learn from people you admire and look up to for their fine speaking skills.

There is this and there is more to it. Go for one-on-one coaching for personalized solutions to get rid of social anxiety and improve your game plan.

When In Doubt, Risk It:

A blind man had been waiting a while at a busy road for someone to offer to guide him across, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Excuse me," said the taper, "I`m blind - would you mind guiding me across the road?" The first blind man took the arm of the second blind man, and they both crossed the road apparently this is a true story. The first blind man was the jazz pianist George Shearing. He commented on this incidence .What could I do? I took him across and it was the biggest thrill of my life."

Moral There are times when we think we cannot do something and so do not stretch or take a risk. Being forced to stretch and take a risk can often help us to reduce our dependencies (on others, or our own personal safety mechanisms), and to discover new excitement and capabilities.

Action Plan- Do one thing every day that scares you. Don`t refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase, that`s what wild geese are for. Progress always involves risks. You can`t steal second base and keep your foot on first. Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

As an Image Consultant, I've been asked and requested by people to help them develop their personalities. After probing to understand their exact requirement, the answer I get is Maam "Aap personality theek kar do".

So here comes the first learning to understand what constitues Personality? It is the desired image that you want to project to the world, an image of a confident and a presentable person.

Personality encompasses two important elements:

External: The Appearance (Image) management that helps you develop self confidence and a well accepted individual with respect to how he or she presents her/himself to the world. Clothing communicates, so carrying an image of an authentic, attractive, appropriate person becomes the key focus area.

Internal: Soft Skills Once you know how to present yourself ,it gets reinforced by your ability to connect with people, your behaviour, etiquette, body language, communication skills and people skills.

Thus, when you think of developing yourself, consider these two elements as a holistic solution.

It is natural that candidates (both campus out and experienced at times) fear interviews and the various processes associated with it. Most of us get very conscious and nervous when we have to appear for a personal interview.

Emotions along with the underlying fear completely hamper your body language. They make you sweat and straighten your curls (curly hair) while you are appearing for an interview.

My recommendation to you is:

1. Identify the reasons for fear of interviews
2. Eliminate the causes of fear in interviews

Identify the Reasons for Fear of Interviews:

The fears need to be dealt early so that these gestures (signs) do not become a habit. For this, it is essential that you understand what exactly causes the fear of job interviews.

Fear for job interviews could be cause of:

1. Lack of preparation.
2. Fear of not getting the job.
3. Fear of facing an interviewer.
4. Lack of confidence in on-self.
5. History of previous jobs.

Eliminate the Causes of Fear in Interviews:

Once you eliminate the causes of fear in an interview, you are sure to bag the job easily.

Here are some suggestions that will help you eliminate the fear from its root.

1. Go fully prepared.
2. This is not the last job opportunity.
3. Meet the interviewer eye-in-eye.
4. Pride over your success.
5. Stay motivated.
6. Dress perfectly.
7. Schedule the plan for the day beforehand.
8. You need to plan at least a day in advance the activities for the day of the interview. Plan the various activities of the day like:
   1. When you will wake up?
   2. How you will travel to the location?
   3. What all you will carry along with you?

Success Quote: “Your positive action, combined with positive thinking results in success.” – Shiv Khera

On getting a job of your choice, remember to “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

The first thing one should do is know your personality:

1) Write down your reactions to different situations in past.

2) Take feednacks from people or recollect given feedbacks by your family and work circle.

3) Check your satisfaction on the picture which points 1 and points 2 create of yourself.

4) If not satisfied then decide what you want from yourself and what would that behaviour or personality would get you in life.

5) Then jot down points which you need to improve.

6) Seek professional help.

Every personality one wants to become is already having seed inside us and we only have to decide select the seed  and nurture it.

What is Etiquette?

Have you encountered a situation where you have finished a long shopping spree and as you are waiting in the queue at the billing counter the person behind you seems to be bumping and kicking at you with his shopping basket?

As the lift stops at your floor, people jump in and you have to squeeze your way out?

You are enjoying a meal with your date at a restaurant and the adjoining table has seated a loud family who is ruining your evening with their noise?

At the medical shop as you are being served, someone barges in roughly next to you and demands the attention of the store keeper?

What would you call these? Annoying, rude behaviours? Yes, they are and imagine what would happen if we all did this? Well, Thank god we don’t because there is something called as” Etiquette” which we follow and that helps maintain civility in the society.

Etiquette is an evolving set of rules of behaviour applicable in a situation. Experts have laid down etiquette rules right from embarking a lift, the use of a washroom, your business grooming to writing an email/letter. Etiquette covers almost every area of our life and this code of behaviour helps us maintain good relations, reduce conflicts, and show respect to others.

My Training Experience:

When I got into the training and facilitation business I was quite excited to conduct Business Etiquette workshops. Even today the subject is very close to my heart maybe because I love having rules, and what I find wonderful about them is they do not differentiate between individuals. However based on the country they do alter a bit.

In my sessions, the dining etiquette raises a lot of eyebrows. Many people assume that the term etiquette is a western elitist concept. But it is not. Experts have written rules about how to treat or behave with people in a situation or use a facility based on the principle of showing respect and being kind to others, and that is Etiquette. Nothing snooty about it or is it?

Many do not like the term rules so I refer to them as guidelines, and someone has most aptly called them as guidelines for sensible living. Did you know both manners and etiquette are actually two different terms? Manners are more about general guidelines on behaviours while etiquette speaks of specific behaviours.

Why is Etiquette important in Business?

For a business to function well it is important to have pleasant cordial relations at work and etiquette helps you to build good relations. Etiquette in business is much more than just saying Sorry, Thank you and Good morning. It is about intentionally extending courtesies like guiding a visitor in the office premises, holding the door for someone or attending to a client/vendor immediately who has walked in with an appointment. It is also about refraining from abruptly keeping the phone down, speaking loudly in the open office sitting space or borrowing your neighbour’s stationery without permission. They collectively contribute towards forming the image of the company as polite dignified behaviours have their own merits. At an individual level, they guide you to be polite and feel confident on any occasion.

If we know the guidelines, why don’t we follow?

When I began conducting workshops on Business Etiquette for professionals and fresher’s, I attempted not to sound like a rule book by keeping it as realistic as possible. The clients used to have a great time understanding and clarifying their doubts especially with dining etiquette. But the post-training feedback spoke about the lack of consistency from the participants. I wondered why?

I used to have discussions with the top chiefs of companies who wanted to arrange etiquette programs for their juniors. The behaviour of their teams was impacting the culture within the organisation and also the brand image. However during the meetings, few of these same bosses have made me wait even after having an appointment, have placed business cards on the table instead of handing it to me, slurped on their tea, sat in the chair at an angle facing away, scolded their juniors in my presence, not responded to emails and many more. I would like to believe those seniors had good knowledge of etiquette based on our interaction, but what stopped them from doing those appropriate behaviours?

Each time I travel, I am appalled at the way some well-dressed; tech savvy, educated women behave at the ladies security counter. They push their way through the line saying “excuse me “in a commanding tone since their flight has been announced or break the line to grab the trays and place their gadgets like as though those are the last few left on the planet. I am sure they notice it when others do this, don’t they notice themselves?

I have caught myself being curt a few times. Stood very near to a person in a queue or have been distracted with the mobile while the other person is speaking. How did I miss it?

“No one wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, “I think I’ll be rude today”. Most of us think of ourselves as polite, but when we’re in a hurry or dealing with strangers we don’t always use the manners we know we should.

Why do we overlook our manners/etiquette at times? What happens? What do you think?

Will share my thoughts in my next lesson.

Till next time,

Think deep, live the moment!

Hold your fork in your left hand: Most European eaters keep the knife in their right hand for cutting, and they keep the fork in their left hand for eating. In the American style, eaters switch the fork over to their right hand to eat the pieces that they have cut. Traditionally, this is the main difference between the European and American forking styles. The European style is often considered more efficient because you don't have to remove the fork from you hand until you are done eating.

• If you're setting the table for "European-style" eating: make sure to arrange the fork on the left-hand side of the plate, and the knife on the right-hand side.